Year One

 Today is my little ones birthday. It’s always a joy watching him respond to things for the first time, he had no clue what was going on but I know he felt more loved than ever. The calls, gifts, singing and cake had him filled joy. 

There’s a certain level of luck that comes with motherhood. You’re lucky to have made it this far with another life, you’re lucky to have made it this far with your new self, and you’re lucky enough to do it with grace.

One year of motherhood, one year of struggle, 

One year of unconditional love

One year of surprises 

One year of anxiety 

Getting things wrong 

Getting things right 

Being selfless all while being selfish 

And one year of becoming you.

This year has stripped and sharpened me for the better. I’m still very confused but also very confident in who motherhood is pushing me to be. 

Popular posts from this blog

What’s Done In The Dark…

You don’t have to look, you don’t have to stress. I’ve learned to seek God first, stray away from anxiousness and confusion. Be direct in prayer and the answer will always be made clear to you.  “What’s done in the dark will come to light”
Read more

Apology

 Years ago I use to seek apologies from the people that hurt me. I use to fight tooth and nail for some glimpse of acknowledgment, some spark of regret that stemmed from the pain they caused. I use to explain over and over and over why I feel the way that I do. I use to think satisfaction came attached to a “Sorry” until I realized that the apology was never for me. The other day you told me sorry…but that wasn’t for me. That was for you, somehow someway you feel that if you apologized to me it’ll make you a better person. That somehow someway you saying sorry would lessen the blow of all the hurtful things you did to me in confidence. For you, sorry was to ease your conscience. You knew that it would be meaningless to me because the depth in which you hurt me would never be outweighed by an apology.  That sorry was for you. And if it’s one thing I’ve learned in this life is that I don’t need apologies, acknowledgments or closure to move on. So no, I don’t accept your apology....
Read more

Breastfeeding

 I’ve spent the last 13 months with my little one latched on to me.  Recently breastfeeding started to feel demanding. Which was strange for me considering I just always thought it was my duty/privilege. It was an internal battle of wanting my body back and my body not being able to keep up. So I started exclusively feeding at night.  After about two months of this my well rain dry. It was sudden and unexpected. I thought I had more time…or maybe more control? Anyway we woke up for our usual 3am feeding and it was difficult. No one talks about the overwhelming sadness you and your little share at the end of such a nurturing journey. Or the how heart wrenching it is watching your little one be confused about why they no longer can receive that same comfort from your body. No one talks about how for a split second when your body stops or doesn’t do what you feel it ‘naturally should” you feel unfit, misplaced and perplexed.  Our transition to formula went smoother than...
Read more